Wu is Wu

I can't lie, not only am I not a fan of the term Hip Hop Head, I'm not one.

Ten seconds of any one of my twelve recorded rap verses (so far) will nail this point home harder than a Prince Fielder Rawlings spike into the home bag at Miller Park. This does not mean, however, that I don't love the genre of music that gave us the poetic gold: "I don't have a problem with you fuckin' me, but I have a little problem with you not fuckin me."

Lets look at some other things that Hip hip has given us:

Many, many interracial babies

Shiny Smiles

Vitamin Water

Hybrid Words

Popularity in Malt Liquor

Loose Fitting Trousers

Tight Fitting Trousers

Baby Phat

Male Tank Tops

A Diverse Selection of Air Force Ones

Destiny's Child's... Child (Eventually)

I recently witnessed the FULL spectrum of Hip Hop at our local rap-promoting venue, Element. And when I say full, I mean the whole fucking thing. Real Talk.

It started white, like the guys who only get milk moustaches from chocolate milk white. Like skincancernoia white, premium plus white. Take a look at the inside of your thigh that meets your undies, ya thats it. The cheeks on his face matched the ones on my ass, and as much as I like to streak I don't have the stones to do it in the daylight.

To be honest though, it was nice to see someone so racially screwed from the get-go do something so poorly. I felt like his mom in the crowd, clappin and givin him a big smile for all the wrong reasons. But hey, I havent opened for Raekwon so fuck me, much love dude.

At this point in the setlist they installed a tanning bed backstage just to make sure that when the Chef came out our eyes were actually prepared to refract the light given off by african american skin. This is when we got this:

If I could re-name this duo it would be 'Double Stuff Vanilla Oreo!' and their hit single would be "Twist and Lick" Yo fellas drop me a line me if you need a manager/career coordinator.

Needless to say DSVO put on a stellar show, look at them.

Bullshit Aside: I'm not actually sure but I think they are two of the men responsible for a local project called Dirty Haze and they actually offer some dizzying lyrical skill. I wish I could fill you in on more details regarding this act but I had already had lost bladder control at this point in the evening and was staring at a urinal puck when introductions were taking place.

I was present however for 'Fuck a Bitch-Get Money productions Presents St.Kelly'

And if you were wondering if St.Vincent and R.Kelly had a baby and it was dropped at birth and this was him, you were absolutely right: St.Kelly's Myspace

I didn't realize that Raekwon would be a charismatic, intelligent and gracious performer, but he was.

Opening with C.R.E.A.M and highlighting with House of Flying Daggers, Gihad (where he covered Ghostface's verse), Protect Ya Neck and Surgical Gloves he put on a fantastic set. He drank water, never used the towel strapped around his waist and complemented the beauty of our city several times. An ODB tribute finished the night off. Throw ya Ws in the air.