2thousand9

I love the lists...

top fives, bottom threes, monthlys, yearlys, hits and nearlys.

Could have beens, In Betweens, melodies and climax scenes.

Chances are you have read a few by now, I know I have... and to be honest I pretty much just steal my opinion from the collective voice of the following sources:

-Saturday night playlists of DJ longshanks

-What my mom tells me she heard on CBC (DNTO usually)

-Lupe Fiasco's blog

-My photographers 'recently added' Itunes playlist

-That website that is really good at picking up hay

-The College rock station on our works DMX satelite radio (89)

-Catchy band names

-Anything with "La La La's" in it

This is the year where I have become completely honest with myself, I cum on good hooks.

If there were a "Good Hooks' category on RedTube I probably wouldn't even watch amateur porn anymore. I wouldn't even need images, to climax I would simply need the chorus of "Empire State of Mind" to be repeated over the three orgasmic chords of Japandroids "Wet Hair". You could even throw a picture of Oprah as the background and I would still ask you to pass the tube sock.

Now lets break it down, you got your fix of Egg Nog jingles and you cant wait for the new Vampire Weekend album but you kinda wanna grab a coffee with 2009 before he jumps into your Iphoto library for good. Of course Mr.2009 only speaks binary so let me be the translator.

You enjoy Eyefucking more than Sex:

***Young Adult Fiction- The Pains of Being Pure at Heart

You can't shake a memory:

***Preventative Arrest- Hermetic

You want her in the Shower:

***Wet Hair- Japandroids

You like having your heart/underwear melted by synthesizers:

***We Own the Sky- M83

Your ready to get over the way she looked when she slept:

***Deli- Delorean

You wanna start slow and finish sweaty:

***Hyph Mngo- Joy Orbison

You want your grandma, ex-girlfirend and your dealer to dance together:

***1901- Phoenix

You want a healthy opiate high:

***Auditorium- Mos Def

You wanna pretend you have the best lisp in rap:

***New Wu- Raekwon

You want nonsense dripping in codeine:

***Wasted- Lil Wayne

The best fucking party of the year:

***Keep it Goin' Louder- Major Lazer

You wanna drug TV on the Radio:

***Havin my Baby- Think About Life

You want musical Anti-depressant:

***What Would I Want Sky?- Animal Collective

You know slow sex is the new fast sex:

***Crystalized- The xx

You loved and lost:

***Don't Haunt this Place- The Rural Alberta Advantage

I had a dream last night,

I dreamt I was walking through a field of flowing blonde hair.

It was similar to when Russel Crowe walks through the wheat field in Gladiator. His exposed palm gently brushing the tender golden strands as he dreams of his olive skinned dame laying spread eagle on his satin sheets back home. Of course my experience wasn't followed by the savage stadium slaughter of men and beasts but a feeling of pure satisfaction when recalling what sparked this magical mental euphoria. Her.

My dancing shoes see the light of strobe less and less of late but are similar to Allen Iverson, they don't need practice.

The guy with his hand up under his beer soaked shirt mimicking a heart beat in time with the music. Thats so not me.

The first three things my son is gonna learn are going to be:

1. How to cheer for the Bengals

2. How to make perfect pancakes

3. How to do the heartbeat dance

Ladies feel free to copy this manouver, over the bra is best.

The moral of the story is no matter what hair you got..Beehive, Buzz-cut or Bouffant, let that shit down. And make sure your in an area where speakers are playing this:

Joy Orbison- Hyph Mngo

Mr. November

Oh November, how you came and went.

I can't really remember, but I don't resent.

In between parties, you're like a work week.

In between poppies, our hearts each other seek.

To call like a loon, and find a lover soon.

You be the little spoon, and lets lay until noon.

For winter is coming, and I'll need your heat,

Your heart is humming, you love this retreat.

Off you I'll eat chocolate, kisses won't stain.

It's not wrapped up tight, but baby its your candy cane.

I don't do this often, november told me too.

I don't know what love is, but it's most likely you.

Five songs that rocked the one one:

/////: The Hood Internet: If I Could Rock

"Girl your bootys so swollen, how you get dem jeans around it"

"Call me scotty cause girl im bout to beam up"

The goal when you mash up a classically trained Swedish multi-instrumentalist with a guy who pees on 16 year-olds is to start a party. All I wanna do when I hear this is drink falling champagne in slow motion.

////: Think About Life: Havin' My Baby

"Your happy but I'm stuck with you"

"The step I take is the step to you and I want you to wait cause I'm always late"

I don't know who is gonna have my baby, I feel excited and sorry for them at the same time. My dick feels great but my fertilized seed feels like shitting out a butternut squash. The day I finally slide one past the goalie this will be the theme song. It's too damn good to be a downer, as long as the little one has ten fingers.

///: Lil Wanye: Break Up

"I'm here to distinguish the bears from the penguins"

"Elevator in my crib cause its five floors, I'm not expecting you to have one inside yours"

Bangladesh brings back the drums from "A Milli" and smokes more weed before filling in the instrumentals. Wayne makes very little sense but still manages to hop scotch all over the beat like the private school girl you know its illegal to fantasize over. There are other contributors but I'm too lazy to type their young money handles.

//: Girls: Lust For Life

"Now I'm just crazy and totally mad, ya now I'm just crazy and fucked in the head."

This song is the perfect way to help cut through the early morning winter sunshine that tries to so diligently to pry your hangover through your forehead. Skwint, shiver, take a drag and sing along. There are few things I want more at any given moment than a pizza and a bottle of wine. Come on, come on, come on.

/: Fuck Buttons: Olympians

""

There's more than just november here, ya there is about ten novembers in here. This song is the audio equivalent of seeing the blurry complicated perspective of life as a youth clear up into a black and white mosiac of what matters and what doesn't. And a really good song to do dishes to.

Have a good friday friends

Feelin Stormy?

Animal Collective are good, dunno if you heard. They demonstrate what can be achieved by completely removing the filter between brain and voice with the strict purpose of creating something both creative and musical. They seem to make music subconsciously, with a level of effortlessness that feels absolutely natural. It feels not like song writing but song-conception. When they combine this unique ability with three well-rounded aural palettes, we have a sound that is secretly driving our young generation into something so fucking limitless and fantastic that I get a broner..(Great word but a letdown to the anticipation of the sentence no?)

It also sounds like three guys fooling around with pedals and pads in a cave while randomly yelling at how they miss the innocence of their teenage lovers.

White guy harmonies, tribal rythms, alien synths, Bronx bass pulses.

Even if you're not a skinhead who sponsors a World Vision child that loved Mannie Fresh beats before he got abducted you can still dig this shit.

Trust me.

Let me put some neopolitan soft serve in ya ears.

Animal Collective- What Would I Want? Sky

Animal Collective- I Think I Can