This Week (..Well not quite) In Victoria:
Lets take a look at how I will be attempting to spend my next week and change on this beautiful land mass that shares a name with the city that isn't on it.
First of all we have the second best golf tournament of the year being televised on The Sports Network, TSN for short. What time is it on you ask? 3:30 am pt. I can vaguely remember about a month ago my roommates and I agreeing that, at 2:45 am we should rent the 24 hour Shaw on Demand Adult film and not the standard length 120 minute hollywood edit version. Needless to say I woke up at around 8 am to the sound of a penis head being forced into an unwilling female pharynx, while sharing a couch with three half naked males and a six pack of oscar-meyers floating in a pot of water. Hot Dogs are the shit when they are conveniently waiting for you upon your exit of whatever establishment you find yourself coming out of late into the evening. There is no denying this. Hot dogs are not the shit when you boil them in your kitchen for your unsuspecting friends who have just ordered 24 hour porn on the 51" TV.
If you ever wanna make your dick bigger, just apply for a gig in a low budget adult film and get your buddy to order it on his 51" Toshiba, instant enlargement. And then grab a hot dog.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that where porn falls short at 3 in the morning, golf does not: keeping me awake. It probably has something to do with the gentlemenly British commentators who love discussing such engaging topics as the density of salt in the mist or the affect knickers have on the golf swing. If you love golf like I do, grab a six pack, go to bed at 9pm, set the alarm for 2:30am and go to that buddies house who you can talk shit to for hours with the TV locked on TSN. If you have any energy left check out these happenings:
Moss Street Paint In@Moss Street (Between Fort and Dallas)-Saturday July 18th
Take it from a man who has really no idea what this is about but was lured in by the ice cream cone on the poster, looks like a real cool time. A bunch of acclaimed artists and some that simply managed to fudge the application correctly will get the chance to paint to their hearts desire from 12:00-4:00 in front of me and many other opinionated Victorian's. I'm sure you'll hear a few more "Holy shit" s than "I could paint that shit" s from my section.
Bedouin Soundclash@Element-Sunday July 19th
I know nothing here, but I guarantee a feel good time.
A-Trak@Element-Tuesday July 21st
A man who is making a strong push for the best unibrow in music is coming to our little town on the rock. A pioneer of the today's live DJ sound, A-Trak blends genres like a musical Magic Bullet, and I will be there enthusiastically soaking it up like a human ShamWow!. And O ya he's also Kanye's DJ.
Frog Eyes, Chet@Logan's Saturday July 25th
"It boggles my mind how they are not a colossaly famous band." -Brian King of Japandroids on Chet.
Tow songs to go with todays' useless bi-weekly guidance. Both sing-alongs, both for you.
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