2thousand9

I love the lists...

top fives, bottom threes, monthlys, yearlys, hits and nearlys.

Could have beens, In Betweens, melodies and climax scenes.

Chances are you have read a few by now, I know I have... and to be honest I pretty much just steal my opinion from the collective voice of the following sources:

-Saturday night playlists of DJ longshanks

-What my mom tells me she heard on CBC (DNTO usually)

-Lupe Fiasco's blog

-My photographers 'recently added' Itunes playlist

-That website that is really good at picking up hay

-The College rock station on our works DMX satelite radio (89)

-Catchy band names

-Anything with "La La La's" in it

This is the year where I have become completely honest with myself, I cum on good hooks.

If there were a "Good Hooks' category on RedTube I probably wouldn't even watch amateur porn anymore. I wouldn't even need images, to climax I would simply need the chorus of "Empire State of Mind" to be repeated over the three orgasmic chords of Japandroids "Wet Hair". You could even throw a picture of Oprah as the background and I would still ask you to pass the tube sock.

Now lets break it down, you got your fix of Egg Nog jingles and you cant wait for the new Vampire Weekend album but you kinda wanna grab a coffee with 2009 before he jumps into your Iphoto library for good. Of course Mr.2009 only speaks binary so let me be the translator.

You enjoy Eyefucking more than Sex:

***Young Adult Fiction- The Pains of Being Pure at Heart

You can't shake a memory:

***Preventative Arrest- Hermetic

You want her in the Shower:

***Wet Hair- Japandroids

You like having your heart/underwear melted by synthesizers:

***We Own the Sky- M83

Your ready to get over the way she looked when she slept:

***Deli- Delorean

You wanna start slow and finish sweaty:

***Hyph Mngo- Joy Orbison

You want your grandma, ex-girlfirend and your dealer to dance together:

***1901- Phoenix

You want a healthy opiate high:

***Auditorium- Mos Def

You wanna pretend you have the best lisp in rap:

***New Wu- Raekwon

You want nonsense dripping in codeine:

***Wasted- Lil Wayne

The best fucking party of the year:

***Keep it Goin' Louder- Major Lazer

You wanna drug TV on the Radio:

***Havin my Baby- Think About Life

You want musical Anti-depressant:

***What Would I Want Sky?- Animal Collective

You know slow sex is the new fast sex:

***Crystalized- The xx

You loved and lost:

***Don't Haunt this Place- The Rural Alberta Advantage

I had a dream last night,

I dreamt I was walking through a field of flowing blonde hair.

It was similar to when Russel Crowe walks through the wheat field in Gladiator. His exposed palm gently brushing the tender golden strands as he dreams of his olive skinned dame laying spread eagle on his satin sheets back home. Of course my experience wasn't followed by the savage stadium slaughter of men and beasts but a feeling of pure satisfaction when recalling what sparked this magical mental euphoria. Her.

My dancing shoes see the light of strobe less and less of late but are similar to Allen Iverson, they don't need practice.

The guy with his hand up under his beer soaked shirt mimicking a heart beat in time with the music. Thats so not me.

The first three things my son is gonna learn are going to be:

1. How to cheer for the Bengals

2. How to make perfect pancakes

3. How to do the heartbeat dance

Ladies feel free to copy this manouver, over the bra is best.

The moral of the story is no matter what hair you got..Beehive, Buzz-cut or Bouffant, let that shit down. And make sure your in an area where speakers are playing this:

Joy Orbison- Hyph Mngo

Mr. November

Oh November, how you came and went.

I can't really remember, but I don't resent.

In between parties, you're like a work week.

In between poppies, our hearts each other seek.

To call like a loon, and find a lover soon.

You be the little spoon, and lets lay until noon.

For winter is coming, and I'll need your heat,

Your heart is humming, you love this retreat.

Off you I'll eat chocolate, kisses won't stain.

It's not wrapped up tight, but baby its your candy cane.

I don't do this often, november told me too.

I don't know what love is, but it's most likely you.

Five songs that rocked the one one:

/////: The Hood Internet: If I Could Rock

"Girl your bootys so swollen, how you get dem jeans around it"

"Call me scotty cause girl im bout to beam up"

The goal when you mash up a classically trained Swedish multi-instrumentalist with a guy who pees on 16 year-olds is to start a party. All I wanna do when I hear this is drink falling champagne in slow motion.

////: Think About Life: Havin' My Baby

"Your happy but I'm stuck with you"

"The step I take is the step to you and I want you to wait cause I'm always late"

I don't know who is gonna have my baby, I feel excited and sorry for them at the same time. My dick feels great but my fertilized seed feels like shitting out a butternut squash. The day I finally slide one past the goalie this will be the theme song. It's too damn good to be a downer, as long as the little one has ten fingers.

///: Lil Wanye: Break Up

"I'm here to distinguish the bears from the penguins"

"Elevator in my crib cause its five floors, I'm not expecting you to have one inside yours"

Bangladesh brings back the drums from "A Milli" and smokes more weed before filling in the instrumentals. Wayne makes very little sense but still manages to hop scotch all over the beat like the private school girl you know its illegal to fantasize over. There are other contributors but I'm too lazy to type their young money handles.

//: Girls: Lust For Life

"Now I'm just crazy and totally mad, ya now I'm just crazy and fucked in the head."

This song is the perfect way to help cut through the early morning winter sunshine that tries to so diligently to pry your hangover through your forehead. Skwint, shiver, take a drag and sing along. There are few things I want more at any given moment than a pizza and a bottle of wine. Come on, come on, come on.

/: Fuck Buttons: Olympians

""

There's more than just november here, ya there is about ten novembers in here. This song is the audio equivalent of seeing the blurry complicated perspective of life as a youth clear up into a black and white mosiac of what matters and what doesn't. And a really good song to do dishes to.

Have a good friday friends

Feelin Stormy?

Animal Collective are good, dunno if you heard. They demonstrate what can be achieved by completely removing the filter between brain and voice with the strict purpose of creating something both creative and musical. They seem to make music subconsciously, with a level of effortlessness that feels absolutely natural. It feels not like song writing but song-conception. When they combine this unique ability with three well-rounded aural palettes, we have a sound that is secretly driving our young generation into something so fucking limitless and fantastic that I get a broner..(Great word but a letdown to the anticipation of the sentence no?)

It also sounds like three guys fooling around with pedals and pads in a cave while randomly yelling at how they miss the innocence of their teenage lovers.

White guy harmonies, tribal rythms, alien synths, Bronx bass pulses.

Even if you're not a skinhead who sponsors a World Vision child that loved Mannie Fresh beats before he got abducted you can still dig this shit.

Trust me.

Let me put some neopolitan soft serve in ya ears.

Animal Collective- What Would I Want? Sky

Animal Collective- I Think I Can

Loosen up mine

We all know how to push buttons. I do, you do. I hit snooze, you hit brew. You hit false, I hit true. Gamer do it, pilots do too. Shit my mom texts, but not as fast as you. Denim flys, underneath ties, Teddy bear eyes and anyone who cries.

My button pushing peak was back in my DDR days, I would simultaneously hit back, left, right while pushing the 'piss off' button of the dude who could hear his girlfriends virgin slice moisten at the sight of my agility on the mat. Nowadays the only crotch moisture I experience is when my testicular pores are painstakingly juiced like Pomegranates when I wear my leather pants. Think tea bag, minus the forehead.

Shit..theres are all kinds of Buttons but fuck...fuck buttons, What the fuck are those?

Groovy Trance, Not quite dance, Audio Romance, your lover as she pants.

They're two guys and only they truly know, they have given us clues. Here's my fav two:

Fuck Buttons-Olympians

Fuck Buttons-Flight of the Feathered Serpent

Lemme Get Some

The weather's been shit lately and I've continued on my sick streak (sick cold sick, not sick minded sick...that one's here to stay), clearly mother nature is trying to tell me something here. I could: A) cuddle up with my man of choice, bottle of choice (Hennessy or Buckleys) and movie of choice and get some good lovin' and healin' action, or B) carry on with my no ass streak (aka no lovin', no healin'), other everyday events and maybe take one day to sit in front of my computer and continue to search blogs far and wide for my next great obsession.

Clearly because I'm still sick I chose B. I chose to vent those pent up inappropriate thoughts through Hot Chip's newest single Take It In. It's seemingly harmless pop sound gives them a good boy image, but let me ask you this Hot Chip: what exactly are you taking in? Clearly my mind and most others jump to obsene thoughts not safe for daytime television.

A somewhat more relatable artist (for the ladies anyway) to vent your dirty dreams through is Amanda Blank. She says what I'm always thinking and am just too afraid to say out loud. Either way, pump this loud when you're getting some "alone time", it's bound to get the hearts racin' of boys and girls alike.

Hot Chip - Take It In

Amanda Blank - Might Like You Better

Weezy Peezy

Believe it or not I have my own hip-hop group. Real Talk.

We don't do shows, we don't wear chains, we arn't the shit.

We record intoxicated, immature, intoxicated, perverted, single white guy anthems.

The content is probably only funny to the people who are in the room when the mic is live but there are strange parallels lyrically, to the most popular rapper under 5'5 with our up and coming ensemble, well maybe not but for fun lets make a case for it.

See if you can guess which line is from which genius:

"I take her to the vet, cause she a bad bitch."

"I can see that your donut's glazin, but my dick in your mouth would be more amazing."

"I make my girl come first and I arrive later."

"I can't shit on cue, but I can shit on you."

"Your flow never wet like grandma pussy, my flow always good like grandma cookies"

"I know you want my load in your bin, but with that hairy mitt I can't even find your rim"

Lil Wayne recently put out a new mixtape where he generously pours his scatterbrain thoughts over radio-ready pop beats like low-fat Aunt Jemima over buttermilk Eggo's. I highly suggest you give it a spin and also warn you never to listen to the hip hop I have created, I'll stick to typing not spitting.

Lil Wayne- Throw it in the Bag

Pusseh- Throw it in the Trough

Keep Warm

It feels as though it has happened, scents of sunscreen and chlorine have vanished into the grey cold air for this, our tenth, year of the 00's. I find myself reaching for my sunglasses strictly due to habit and with little sense of purpose. I have debuted my Stanfields long johns and have turned a blind eye to my Conair trimmer that usually, once a month, navigates the delicate ridges of my testicles.

A friend of mine put it best as we recollected of the not so far off days of puncturing mini kegs with river bank pebbles while lying fetal in rubber tubes.

"It's drinking season"

Though there are many ways of keeping warm in this season we find ourselves in, I have a couple of favorite ways, as I'm sure you do.

Bottles:

The Show- Cab Sav/California

Ruffino-Orvieto/Italy

Bumps:

Dizzee Rascal- Freaky Freaky

YACHT- I'm In Love With A Ripper

Grinds:

The xx- Stars

The Antlers- Kettering

Light a candle, pour a glass, rub an oiled back, and do it to the slow sweet melodies that make you the wettest, if thats even a word.

Think about it

"Im tellin you now, the way we fuck gonna lead to child birthin"

Now this seems like some ridiculously good sex, does it not?

and if anybody would know it would be the R of R&B, R. Kelly. I know little on this particular subject but I do know this song gets me very prepared to concieve.... whether or not there is a willing egg in the vicinity. The word on the street is that Think About Life stumbled upon this sample when digging through a $1.99 disc bin at their local refueling station, the usual place for sped-up-sampling sexual chemistry. TAL must be reaping a fairly good return on their dollar bin investment since I spent almost a dollar on this jam myself. If nothing else I write convinces you to give the song a shot, the fact that I spent what amounts to 2/3rds of a small dipped cone on the legal purchasing of it should.

Think About Life- Havin' my Baby

The play if you live in Victoria tomorrow night is to arrive at Lucky bar with your loudest shirt and tightest pants around 9pm and hop on the Dreamboat. A sailing to your nostalgic pleasure centers is promised. Nevermind the strange poster.

Hud Mo

Alright so, I was supposed to come on here and post about the Jay-Z concert Vancouver edition; I was told to give the "somewhat sober female perspective". I thought about it, and all it would have consisted of would have been my sex dream ft. Jay-Z and Pharrell coming to life, so I thought I'd spare you all and talk about something else.

Hudson Mohawke (aka Hudson Mo, DJ Itchy or Hud Mo, and no I'm not making this up) is a DJ from Glasgow, Scotland. He started spinning at the ripe age of 15 and has now just released his first album called Butter. These are all just fine details to me, the real juice is this song called FUSE. It's the ultimate. Good in all possible scenarios: studying, walking, breathing, etc.

The other noticable work by Hud Mo (seriously, what a name) is a song called Ooops! It's a cover of a quite memorable early 2000s hit that some of you may remember sneaking a listen to while you're parents weren't around. I highly suggest taking a gander to this young prodigy, real talk.

Hudson Mohawke- FUSE

http://hypem.com/track/934156/Hudson+Mohawke+-+Ooops

Check the Crowd Reaction

So I attended Jay-Z last thursday.

So I don't remember Jay-Z last Thursday.

Remember in Kingpin when they coin the phrase "Munson'd"

I got "Gerwitzermener'd."

Top five concerts of my life.

What I do remember was stealing three bags of Twizzlers and tossing them into the crowd.

Some people make it rain with c-notes, I make it rain with candy ropes. Feel Me?

Though I couldn't see J (not due to bad seats, due to lack of vision)

I could feel the Charisma.

I'm just about positive the smallest venue he will play on the tour was our okanagan oasis.

He closed with "Forever Young."

Thanks for making it out Mr.Carter.

Though I didn't get the chance to analyze the details of the setlist I did get thoroughly reminded how to party. Here is my sure-fire way to get the fuck down.

1. Wake Up (This is key)

2. Eat copious amounts of bread, preferably bagels, and line up 4 full glasses of water and do a single man/woman steamboat- Listen to This

3. Masterbate (I don't know how this works for women)

4. Get some light beer (How bout cold certifieds) go golfing.

5. Play 18 holes, converse, socialize.

6. Book a hotel room near the venue to be attended. (The fewer the beds the better)

7. Pick up a disposable Camera and some wine on the way to the pre drinking arena.

8. Order the greasiest zza in the league, play Rock Band.

9. Make T-Shirts. ("What you eat don't make me shit", "Hopefully theyll menage before I reach my garage.")

10. Hit the Hotel room-Listen to This

11. Group Shotgun (The gayer the better)

12. Show. (Take your shirt off at least 3 times)

13. ______________________________ lick someone's face- This

14. Arby's Beef and Ched

15. Continental breakfast

16. Ruin Room-Listen to This (Hard boiled eggs are great for making a fun mess and waking up friends)

17. Call your Mom

Fill in the blank for me- loveburger72@hotmail.com

emails are cool like hard nipples and smoking cigarettes.

Much Love

Ave.

The artist Bibio does not work strictly out of one genre, in fact he doesn’t even limit his sound to several genres, he covers damn near all of them on his debut record. If this album truly is Ambivalence Avenue than his neighbors must be J Dilla, Crystal Castles, Fleet Foxes, Radiohead and a whole bunch of beautiful girl next doors.

What is unified front to back on the record is its mood. It is an album that communicates not with the lyrics it presents, but the atmosphere it creates with its tongue in cheek melodies and rhythms. Many songs start as a tune that someone is humming in the room next door before morphing into musical journeys to places you know you have been, but have since forgotten. No one track gets too big to drown out the others and no track is too small to disappear or be forgotten. The scale is in perfect balance, no sooner have you opened your eyes from singing along to an inspired folk hymn than started unconsciously nodding to soul samples over muddled drums and a funky, driven bass line.

“Haikuesque” sounds like the conversation you have with yourself when you lose someone you love. An echoing guitar loop that evokes recollection of a lover, it’s the conversation you feel too fragile to share.

“S’Vive” opens with the sound of a wind up toy that lights up like a constellation in your ears before getting complimented by a perfectly matched lower end of bouncing drums and screwy bass. Different melodic vocals make pleasuring cameos to keep the song moving in its fantastic, experimental direction. Through all of this though, the foot-tapping magic keeps rolling.

Bibio seems to have extensive knowledge of many of the instruments used on AA and he also knows exactly how to get you to groove without ever having a drink in your hand. Do yourself a favor and spend a little time on the Ave., it will be your most honest dance yet.

Highlights: Fire Ant, S’Vive, and Haikuesque

FF: 7.9

Hi-eh-tus

First off, apologies for residing in a googleless cave for the last two months, I think the last time I contributed carefree words to this space Mr.West was still contemplating how he could help make an MTV awards show worth watching. Imagine if Justin had a ripped off Taylor Swift's nipple concealing garment instead of Janet's? That's something I wouldn't mind seeing. Divide your age by two and add seven?... just barely. My crude crushes aside, I am glad I can get back on here to needlessly spill my musical opinion equally in all directions for your cautious eyes and ears. I actually spent some time on a plane recently where I attempted to...er.... review a record? I know, shits been done before eh? I tried to come up with a unique method of grading the art I was absorbing mile high and came up with something mind-blowing... a scale of 1 to 10. Hooh. You should come to FF more often, the guy leaves for two months and heroically returns with the least creative way to express opinions known since pen first busted it's ball-pointed nut onto paper. Though I am not a fan of spicy food, I like pretty much everything else in my life to be as zesty as possible and I'll try to keep rock the reviews with a heated kick.

I wanna give a big heynow to my comrade Double A for bringing some female perspective to this estrogen starved wasteland in my absence. I don't get to see cherries getting popped very often, let alone ones of the blog variety. Much love A-Ville.

As for today's news, two things for ya. A rap album I have a Broner for, and a local, gay act which I have a very, very, flacid penis for, but love. If you hit the Dreamboat Myspace page give 'Sunbathin' a listen, it's so good you might forget summer is almost over.

Hope you can get down with em. Album review tomorrow. Yes!

Raekwon-Catalina

Myspace

Dreamboat-Wildfire

Myspace

Acceptable in the 80s

Alright, so my love affair with Calvin Harris started a few years ago when I was in Europe and heard his song "I'm Not Alone". I went through a techno phase once in high school and wasn't really ready to go through it again...until a couple of months ago. Sometimes I feel like techno gets a bad rep, but I'm not too sure why. It gets you pumped up for anything and it's perfect any time of day; Morning when you just wake up it gets you all revved up for the day ahead, night time before you go out, again, I see no problems here.

Anyway, Calvin Harris dropped an album a couple of weeks ago and I was lucky enough to snag tickets to his Vancouver show. It was this past Sunday and it was phenomenal. I wasn't sure who would show up on a Sunday, but my question was answered with ecstacy ridden university students with no jobs and no responsibilities on Monday mornings. My point being, Calvin Harris put on an unreal show and if you ever get the chance, techno fan or not, you best check it out.

http://hypem.com/track/902843/Calvin+Harris+-+You+Used+To+Hold+Me

Leaked

As you've probably heard by now, Jay-Z's new album The Blueprint III has leaked online...the ENTIRE thing. Shitty for him, but he didn't seem too phased:

"It's a preview. I'm excited for people to hear the album. I'm very proud of the work I've done, so enjoy it."

So I took at gander at it and am not disappointed. But really, I don't think I could give a bad review about Jay-Z. The man is amazing. He raps pure sex appeal. And, as much as I love my dirty rap about pussy, money and weed, Jay-Z raps about things that are relevant in todays society, mature shit like that. He even throws down a line about Bernie Madoff in one of the tracks; a little shout out to the Ponzi scheme king. There's probably a line about Obama in one too, but to be honest, I haven't had that good of a listen yet. But from what I have heard, this is definitely my favourite track:

http://hypem.com/track/896100/Jay+Z+-+Hate+f+Kanye+West

It portrays exactly what the title says: Hate (So make sure you're in the right mood to listen, it's a little heavy). I like it though, it's like a little rap battle between Jay-Z and Kanye. Too close to declare a winner though, you call it.

Umm...?

How was this guy married to a playboy bunny? Aside from his stunning good looks, there's nothing else to him. Oh right, the money thing. I guess when you're one of the best drummers in the world you're entitled to some playboy bunny tail. Oh and did I mention he's survived a plane crash before? That's probably part of his swagger too.

Aside from all their relationship dram and his ability to bag girls way out of his league, Blink went on tour again this summer. I heard the show was epic, but I wasn't quite willing to shell out as much as they were asking to see them. I can't even remember the exact ticket price, but I remember me thinking that it wasn't going to be worth it. This video might prove me wrong though. If you haven't seen it yet, you've probably been living under a rock for the past 2 months. It features Barker on a floating drum set and somehow still managing to play incredibly well.

I showed this video to some friends last night, and one particularly outspoken individual told me that he copied this move from Tommy Lee. He claimed that Lee used to do this at Motley Crue shows all the time and that Barker was copying him. I asked him if he thought it was cool when Lee did it and he replied yes, and so then I said it's still cool when someone else does it, now quit your bitching.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hphtK7kzk70

A Kid Named Cudi

I, as like most people, was introduced to KiD CuDi by the Crookers remix of Day N' Night that's constantly on replay at the bars. I heard this song numerous times and just when I had written KiD CuDi off as being another Flo Rida, I heard another song off his album. I don't think it could have been any further from the overplayed, clubgoer's favourite previously mentioned.

After further research, I've decided that I like KiD CuDi. On his album he samples artists like Band of Horses and features other artists such as Kanye West & Common (on the ever-so-famous I Poke Her Face track). When I heard this newest song of his, I thought to myself, "Gee, he sure has a lot of tracks that feature people". Which then lead to me thinking about him being on the same level of other artists notorious for featuring; this was not a good thought.

Ultimately, I gave my head a shake and realized you can't fault a guy for recognizing where his strengths are.

Here's the newest feature track: David Guetta Ft. KiD CuDi -- Memories

http://www.last.fm/music/David+Guetta/_/Memories+(Feat.+Kid+Cudi)

My Dick Cost the Late Night Fee, Your Dick Got the HIV

So I'm filling in for your usual blog-lovin' friend today, and I have a confession: my blogging cherry is about to be popped. That's right, never before have I posted anything to a blog, so let's take it slow.

There are so many options when trying to decide what to write about and my only instructions were to be "scandalous". I ventured over to the island last weekend and caught a ride with a friend of a friend. Needless to say, it was a little awkward. So I plugged my iPod in, and played a song to break the ice: My Dick by Mickey Avalon ft. Dirt Nasty and Andre Legacy. It may go a little overboard in the inappropriate-ness department, but it's actually a decent song with some pretty humourous lines in it.

My Dick- Mickey Avalon ft. Dirty Nasty and Andre Legacy

Knock a Giant Lop-Sided

I saw Mos Def at Sasquatch this past June and was a little let down. Why? because of two things: My extremely high expectations due to what I had heard about his stellar live performance and the fact that his new record The Ecstatic had been released yet. Now The Ecstatic is a fantastic record, but it takes a few listens to sink in. It doesn't follow the mainstream verse/chorus/verse/breakdown/chorus formula that I have become accustomed to and though it is all the better for it, it takes time to marinate in the mind of the listener to achieve it's full aural potential. If you subtract a pre-concert listening period, add 35 degree weather, coming off a buzz and Mos peaking on his buzz you get a slightly less mind-blowing performance, but none of that is gonna happen when he hits The Vogue Theatre in Vancouver Aug 27. (Well maybe not none of it.) Rolling Stone has stated that Mos Def live has what they call the 'best delivery in music'....not just rap, music. I can't attend the show but if you can, spin The Ecstatic for a week and show the Brooklyn MC some love.

DJ Honda (Feat. Mos Def)- Magnetic Arts

Baby These Heels

"It's crazy how you could go from bein job blow,

to everyone on your dick, no homo.

I bought my whole family whips, no volvos

next time I'm in church please no photos.

Police exports, everybody passports,

this the life that everybody asked for.

This a fast life, we are on a crash course,

watcha think I rap for, to push a fuckin Rav-4?

But I know that if I stay stunt team,

all these girls only gonna want one thing,

I could spend my whole life good will hunting,

but the only good that'll come is the good when I'm coming.

She gotta ass that a swallow up a g-string,

and up top uh, two bee stings.

And I'm bee stinged off the reisling,

and my nigga just made it off the precinct.

We give a damn about the drama that you do bring,

I'm just trying to change the color on your mood ring,

Reebok? baby you need to try some new things,

have you ever had shoes without the shoestrings?

Whats that Ye? baby these heels,

Is that a May What? baby these reels.

You trippin when you ain't sippin, have a refill

You feelin like you runnin huh? Now you know how we feel."

Say what you want about the song as a whole but this is verse is absolute gold.

Jay-Z feat. Rihanna and Kanye West- Run This Town

10,000

I didn't get any pictures of the show last night, my apologies. To be honest the best pictures wouldn't have been of A-Trak or his fantastic light show but of every single known cliche in Victoria collectively gettin the fuck down. Plaid flanel button-down: Jivin. Exco Hoodie, hat, and sweatpants....crypt walkin'. Girl in Neon: lettin her hair down. Girl with RayBan's- Givin me a partial. It was hard to choose between keepin your face locked on the stage or dancing that same face off. Robot Rock brought about the same size cheer as Ain't Nothin but a G-Thang and both were shreaded by the hands of A-Trak over the audience before being baked by the kalediscope of sexual heat that shone sporadically from behind the man.

I don't think there is any live act that could bring a town like ours together better.

I can admit that I got stuck watching. Not that I didn't wanna dance but I had a feeling I wouldn't get to see this caliber of a performance in the near future. All other DJ's were put to shame, not cause he wanted to rub it in but cause he wanted the club to go that hard. And did I mention?..Ed Hardy/Christian Audigier were workin the lean back. Wifebeater was gettin jiggy. Guy in the concert t-shirt....losin his fuckin shit.

"Wats good Victoria?"

You are, ya sly motherfucker.

Hi

I first heard this song two weeks ago on a Fader Podcast featuring A-Trak and he claimed it was the first time anyone had played the mastered version. I think he was in Columbus. The song is now worldwide first via Kid Sister's myspace and now a delicious leak. I contemplated wearing a homemade 'Right Hand Hi' shirt to tonight's A-Trak show but I'll show my love for it by simply raising my favorite hand if it gets played. Get down with your hand hi.

Kid Sister- Right Hand Hi

Paint-In

Here are some pictures of my recent trip down Moss Street this past saturday during the annual Paint-In.

And after all the art you pop out of the alley and see this....

I'm Not Sorry

I made it down to The Bayanihian Community Centre in between Rooney and the Minglers and Cobras Cobras Cobras respective sets. It was actually my debut in the venue that I cannot pronounce and it was both homey and cosy. It also sounded decent to this Bayanihan virgin. I had listened to one or two of CCC's songs prior to the event and really had an open mind and no expectations. They were a very enthusiastic power trio that had a Blood Brothers flavor, and more than a few manic breakdowns. Where they strived in writing they lacked in execution, the drums seemed to float in and out of time with the keys and axe but they entertained none the less. I really dig the Goldeneye audio at the end of their romp-rock Commandon't. The drummer also looked a little batty but so do I when I play, here is a poor example:

and..

Hermetic were the band that I attended the event to see and they, quite simply, make fantastic music. There are merely two of them, similar to their cross-town musical counterparts Japandroids and though they do it different they do it equally well. The melodic vocals ride the wave of danceable, post punk guitar chords that bounce and crash upon the tightly locked grasp of the technically sound drums. Picture singing a Haiku to your girlfriend through your bedroom window while Ted Leo is playing in the next room and your neighbor is practicing drums to his favorite Bloc Party song.

At one point Eric, the baritone guitar wielding front-man, donned a harmonica while navigating the chords of 'Malingering 'only to toss it over his shoulder after the second verse. There is a certain juxtaposition about the way the instrumentals meet the vocals with Hermetic. It's as if Eric wants to violently vent into the microphone but is forced to merely harmonize beautifully with the structure of the band's songs. The guitar work is mesmerizing in itself but it is underwhelmed by the delicate, pleading vocals that sing you into bliss.

The drummer, Bart, also sings and to demonstrate this let's listen to my two favorite songs ever by two man bands. These will knock your socks off, one by one.

Hermetic- Preventative Arrest

Japandroids- Wet hair

This Week (..Well not quite) In Victoria:

Lets take a look at how I will be attempting to spend my next week and change on this beautiful land mass that shares a name with the city that isn't on it.

First of all we have the second best golf tournament of the year being televised on The Sports Network, TSN for short. What time is it on you ask? 3:30 am pt. I can vaguely remember about a month ago my roommates and I agreeing that, at 2:45 am we should rent the 24 hour Shaw on Demand Adult film and not the standard length 120 minute hollywood edit version. Needless to say I woke up at around 8 am to the sound of a penis head being forced into an unwilling female pharynx, while sharing a couch with three half naked males and a six pack of oscar-meyers floating in a pot of water. Hot Dogs are the shit when they are conveniently waiting for you upon your exit of whatever establishment you find yourself coming out of late into the evening. There is no denying this. Hot dogs are not the shit when you boil them in your kitchen for your unsuspecting friends who have just ordered 24 hour porn on the 51" TV.

If you ever wanna make your dick bigger, just apply for a gig in a low budget adult film and get your buddy to order it on his 51" Toshiba, instant enlargement. And then grab a hot dog.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that where porn falls short at 3 in the morning, golf does not: keeping me awake. It probably has something to do with the gentlemenly British commentators who love discussing such engaging topics as the density of salt in the mist or the affect knickers have on the golf swing. If you love golf like I do, grab a six pack, go to bed at 9pm, set the alarm for 2:30am and go to that buddies house who you can talk shit to for hours with the TV locked on TSN. If you have any energy left check out these happenings:

Moss Street Paint In@Moss Street (Between Fort and Dallas)-Saturday July 18th

Take it from a man who has really no idea what this is about but was lured in by the ice cream cone on the poster, looks like a real cool time. A bunch of acclaimed artists and some that simply managed to fudge the application correctly will get the chance to paint to their hearts desire from 12:00-4:00 in front of me and many other opinionated Victorian's. I'm sure you'll hear a few more "Holy shit" s than "I could paint that shit" s from my section.

Bedouin Soundclash@Element-Sunday July 19th

I know nothing here, but I guarantee a feel good time.

A-Trak@Element-Tuesday July 21st

A man who is making a strong push for the best unibrow in music is coming to our little town on the rock. A pioneer of the today's live DJ sound, A-Trak blends genres like a musical Magic Bullet, and I will be there enthusiastically soaking it up like a human ShamWow!. And O ya he's also Kanye's DJ.

Frog Eyes, Chet@Logan's Saturday July 25th

"It boggles my mind how they are not a colossaly famous band." -Brian King of Japandroids on Chet.

Tow songs to go with todays' useless bi-weekly guidance. Both sing-alongs, both for you.

The Rural Alberta Advantage-Drain the Blood

The Thermals- Now We Can See

22

Is it better to give a fantastic birthday present or to receive one?

I recently gave a birthday present that involved some strategic and borderline strange planning, and though I hardly slept for a day and a half preparing the deployment of the gift I felt thoroughly satisfied in the end.

Some things I learned along the way of giving one of the better presents I have ever given:

1. If you wear a blazer over top of a hoodie and carry bedding you are automatically assumed homeless by bus drivers....er, actually pretty much every one who sees you.

2. Don't pay for flowers, stealing them from random yards in your city is more fun. And it's the thought that counts. If you buy flowers.... leave the price tag on.

3. Sleeping in a city park is illegal.. who knew?

4. Waking up to the sound of a grunting 4 point buck is very unnerving. I have hit deer with my car in the past and I think I narrowly escaped their revenge on me in the quest to deliver my gift. I now give deer far more respect than the prancing caribou fairies I once thought of them.

5. Always plan for the worst response to a gift. I planned for a restraining order.

6. Listen to YACHT- Psychic City while preparing the gift and Delorean- Seasun after the gift has been given.

Time to start planning your next gift, or if your like me your next giftquest. Let me know what you learn.

Peace, love and granola

Now Playing: Suckers- It Gets Your Body Movin'

My computer has my fingers but you have my arm

My summer has never really been my holiday, winter is the time where I lay around and pretend to read useless textbooks while sipping tomato juice and touching myself. Clearly it's not winter right now and clearly Dizzee Rascal doesn't follow my seasonal lifestyle. This bangs in a hot way. Speaking of hot, I recently witnessed some great video footage that inspired me to make a horrible song. I will apologize in advance and hope to create something tasteful soon.

Here it is:

Boy G-Nus- Wanna Watch

Joooon

June is the part of summer where anything can happen, any idea can be conceived and no plan seems too far-fetched. I recently got pulled over eating a Subway sandwich while wearing only underwear. I got pulled over because that was All I had on, nothing else not even a seat belt was going to be covering my pale white epidermis on such a glorious June afternoon.....except a small amount of ranch sauce located northwest of my belly-button. $167 later I had no choice but to find the tastiest musical hooks in my car and play them as loud as I could.

Not all of these were released this month...or year for that matter but they are my top 5 records for this commencing month of summer and I hope you can get off to them as much as I did.

And if your a girl and reading this, go for a drive in your underwear.

...Or a run

Cheers

5. Dinosaur Jr.- I Don't Wanna Go There

I do wanna go there... right now actually, because my heart is so warm from these chords my face is melting. Oh wait that's the solo. Fuckin Awesome

4. Animal Collective- Leaf House

I love my friends but the bond these guys share sounds pretty rad, almost profound. They sing WHATEVER they feel in any way they feel and have an amazing gift of harmonizing these instinctive, primal noises.

"Hey do you guys wanna make some random noises at halftime and see if we can make a melody?" "You betcha!"

3. Drake (feat. Lykke Li) - Little Bit

It's hard to make a bad remix of this song to begin with. Drake does a great job making it feel like he recorded this over the phone with Lykke, or maybe in sequenced recordings on her answering machine. Get lost in it.

2. Major Lazer (Feat. Nina Sky and Ricky Blaze)- Keep it Goin' Louder

I heard this on approximately June 25th so it barely counts, but this thing is absolute magic. If I had never partied before hearing this, I would probably be let down by partying. Haha, thats probably a lie but it is possible this song gives the word party more credit than it deserves...and it deserves a lot.

1. Sunset Robdown - Dragon's Lair

I'm biased here because I recently saw these guys and Spencer Krug admitted this was his favorite song from the record, it was in my top 2. These lyrics are in a league of their own. The first half of the song reads like the most vivid fantasy novel you read in grade 5 while the second half has more sing-along-ability than my mennonite neighbors grade 5 church choir. You're such a champion.......

Six Chicks Deep

I can think of a few people I could sing this chorus to. Some girls you wanna light a candle and get naked with and others girls you wanna have throw candle wax on you while you you kiss the base of their neck. This is lighter though, funner, this isn't Day and Night. These synths don't drown and drone, they leave room in the air for the sing along love that most people in the club bought their first record for.

Major Lazer- Keep it Goin' Louder (Feat. Nina Sky and Ricky Blaze)

A Bigger Kind of Kill

I am afraid to use my flash at shows.

I was surprised that Sunset Rubdown made it to across the water to play a sunday night show at Sugar this past week but no doubt was excited. I have never had a true sunset rubdown or had the chance to see the musical equivalent live. The announcement of the show was late, I think our live-music starved city had only 2 weeks to react to the announcement resulting in a near capacity crowd but not quite. And the people there were very stern and serious about seeing such a great band, and I mean when you like a band you obviously own the 2.5 square foot space you stand upon. But only true fans own that space, its universal law.

Witchies and Elfin Saddle opened and though I missed the first of the two Elfin Saddle is the best saddle I have ever sat on besides the mechanical bull at the Okanagan Corral. There is a slightly strange make-up to their ensemble. Two balding, bearded caucasians helped a pettite vietnamese stunner absolutely own the room with with a tidal wave of charisma. She was more Genuine than the clear bottle with nothing to hide, and sang some great folk-pop-hymns that could be the soundtrack of getting lost in the woods with your lover, laying on a bed of moss and having a slow orgasm to the beauty of nature. The one guy sings too.

Now the main act played a great show. Spencer Krug admitted that they were mainly going to play songs from the fantastic new record Dragonslayer, and he wasn't kidding. The lone song that wasn't slaying fire breathing lizards was the opening track from Random Spirit Lover, The Mending of the Gown. They opened with Idiot Heart, highlighted with Black Swan and finished with the flailing, beautiful beast of Dragon's Lair. All of this was just what I had hoped for, with a slight lack of Stadiums and Shrines. The venue, Sugar, is neither a stadium or a shrine in fact, though it's Victoria's premier musical venue, it's got some shit goin on that bothers me.

1. No drinks specials, ever- Which is fine, no big deal

2. Sunday shows have to end at 12- It's only one day a week

3. A giant barricade blocking the audience from getting as close as the band wants them.- It's safety man

4. Those annoying people in the bathroom trying to rub you down with Gucci and telling you your gonna get laid if you give them a twoonie- They're just trying to be nice

5. A crowd that thinks it's pretty much the cooler than the band and doesn't partake in singing along, getting wasted or dancing, and ya like I mentioned there is the 2.5 foot area. -You're a nitpicking prick

I was with the drunk girls with the high pitched voices that had no idea of the name of the band but fuck they were having more fun than most of the floral-dress bearing front row female fans that merely gave Spencer a stone-faced stare through their knock off Ray-bans the entire set.

I wish I could have spiked the punch and rubbed everyone down. But instead I just flashed....